What is is with those hilarious “jokers” at pedestrian crossings who shout things at you as you cycle through?
Yesterday, I had a shell suited youth shout “BANG!” (literally, he just said “bang!”) as I went past him. I guess I was supposed to think either (a) I’d just got a puncture or (b) he’d just shot me, but neither of those requires a noise that sounds even remotely like a someone shouting “bang!”.
Perhaps I should have played along and fallen down in the middle of the road clutching an imaginary bullet wound. I’d like to think he’d feel bad and rush to my aid, but realistically I suspect he’d just point, laugh and possibly try to steal my shoes.
As well as the side-splitting gunshot joke, I’ve had the following shouted at me at various times:
- “Here mate, lend us that will ye!”
- “Here mister giveus a backie home willya”
- “Get those knees up!” (I’m clipped in, knee height is fixed, idiot)
- “Ooo look he’s got those little cycling boots as well” (I don’t)
But seriously, is it funny? What am I missing?
What you are missing is the fact that the world is full of people who shouldn’t be allowed out of bed in the morning, let alone permitted to vote, drive, purchase knives etc. Just a couple of years ago I was in Portrush with my then fiancée, and we were walking down a street whose houses had paved fronts. In one of these sat a group of shirtless (ie sunburned) youths, one of whom shouted “SPECCY!” at me (or us, we’re both four-eyed) as we passed. Speccy! I hadn’t heard that one since I was at Elmgrove. I almost wanted to go and shake his hand for momentarily returning me to the halcyon days of childhood. But I didn’t.
It’s probably as well you didn’t, he’d likely have stolen your watch and sold it for fifteen cans of fightin’ lager.